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As you become more sexually experienced, you’ll discover you prefer certain sexual activities and positions. You may find that you prefer getting had sex with, no matter the time, place, or partner. You may also have begun to find yourself evaluating the men you meet by a new index: the size, shape, and the hardness of their penis, how much they check out guys’ buns, and how often they come on by talking about having sex or saying they’re interested in “getting ass.” When this happens, you have become a bottom, or bottom man.

The name, of course, derives from the placement of the person being had sex with—i.e., on the bottom. Being a bottom doesn’t mean that you always have to be had sex with in the missionary position. That can get boring. There are other positions. Nor does being a bottom make you less desirable than a top. It also doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex with another man if that’s what you and your partner choose. Assuming you practice safe sex, feel free to have sex with your lover or trick or take turns having sex each other. Many bottoms claim that they are the only gay men who really know how to have sex with; they know what feels best. Being known as a bottom can be useful in meeting potential sex partners, in that if your reputation precedes you, people not interested in being tops automatically eliminate themselves from a potential sexual adventure. Identifying yourself as a bottom is useful when placing ads in newspapers or profiles on the Internet.

But it would be a distortion of reality to suggest that being a bottom is merely a matter of who fucks whom. It is, more importantly, a state of mind, a feeling that one has about oneself in relationship to other men. It is best typified by a line in Richard Burton’s translation of the Arabian Nights. “Rise, doff thy clothes and take thy pleasure.” In some men “bottom” denotes wanting to be taken care of, being protected by a more powerful man, as if there is safety in standing under his psychological umbrella. Another bottom may like humiliation and a top who will treat him roughly, perhaps tie him up and smack his ass hard before (and during) having sex. In some men being a bottom reflects an important streak of passivity, as if to say, “I want to give myself up to you.” But don’t take “passivity” too literally. Every gay man knows that the world is populated with very pushy bottoms. Some bottoms are particularly turned on by large peniss, actually, huge donkey dongs, not only large, but really thick. They answer ads and profiles of men who claim extraordinary endowments—and sometimes it’s true. This prize is the visual ambrosia of some bottoms.

A penis’s length is rarely a problem; its thickness may be. If an exceedingly thick penis fucks a bottom hard, the two sphincter muscles may get torn. Still, we know of men who have been damaged this way and, after recuperating, go back for more. We recognize the excitement of being plowed hard by a huge symbol of masculine authority. We suggest, however, that if it’s your fantasy, place your trick on his back and sit on his penis. That way you’ll have a better chance of avoiding physical damage. And be sure that you use an extra large condom. Psychologists have no idea how these preferences develop, nor how and why they change. It’s probably best to indulge them as long as one makes decent choices in men, avoids heavy drugs and alcohol, and has safe sex. Bottoms seem to predominate in gay life, or so they complain. Paraphrasing Mae West, bottoms are heard to say, “A hard man is good to find.”

The predominance of bottoms was demonstrated during “Underwear Night” in a South Miami club. Perhaps a thousand men checked their clothes and danced in their underwear. During the entertainment, the emcee (for reasons unknown) asked all the bottoms to collect on one side of the dance floor and all the tops on the other. If the dance floor had been on a ship, it would have capsized! Almost the whole of them were bottoms, and it made for a dreary night. What happens if you (a bottom) go home with a trick who also turns out to be a bottom? It simply won’t work to have two submissive men in bed together unless one of you is willing to take charge. Many bottoms are capable of “topping” another man when need be; others can’t get hard if asked to have sex with. Still, there are lots of other things to do in bed. But in the end, if no one is willing to make a move, you may just as well get dressed, go home, and go on-line.